“Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).”
– James Baraz
Sitting quietly, on a Sunday morning, enjoying a delicious breakfast with my husband, I took a bite of my toasted bagel, savoring the fullness of each flavorful bite as it melted in my mouth. I looked around to notice all the sights and sounds around me and the feeling inside me. At that moment, I felt incredible joy. I said to my husband, “This is happiness!” I allowed myself to sink fully into this seemingly mundane moment and found bliss in the deliciousness of each bite, the quiet company of my husband, and the peace that I felt in that moment.
There are many wonderful moments (like my delicious breakfast) to enjoy, yet there is so much in our way of experiencing happiness. We say to ourselves, “It’s always something!” We think that one day, when these obstacles disappear and our problems get solved, then we will be happy and find some peace. We look at our lives and think – This isn’t it. This is not supposed to happen, or this is not how life should be or what I want. So, how do we manage when life gives us exactly the opposite of what we want?
People often think that the goal of spiritual practice, the point of mindfulness, or even success is to make all the “bad stuff” go away and that if we can learn to cultivate calm, joy, and equanimity, we will no longer feel the pain of life. This is why people often say that meditation doesn’t “work” for them because the “bad stuff” still gets in and is still deeply felt, the mind is still busy, and we still have problems. This is a misunderstanding of the ultimate point of spiritual practice. Instead of bracing against life, resisting it, trying endlessly to control it, we are here to embrace it all!
OUR LIFE IS OUR PRACTICE AND OUR PATH.
The truth is – This is it. We add to our suffering by resisting this fact and refusing to accept life as it unfolds. Acceptance does not mean you agree with it, like it, or do not take action to make changes. Acceptance means that you fully surrender to the fact that it is happening because it is happening. Resisting life only adds more suffering, prevents us from seeing things as they are, and stops us from living fully.
Real fruition of the practice is allowing the flow of experience, taking it all in, and evolving as we go. Our life IS our practice and there is no lack of opportunity to learn from it all. Dan Harris, author of 10% Happier, reminds us, “Every moment, especially the unpleasant ones, can be a chance to wake up.” And he shares Joseph Goldstein’s advice, “Don’t waste your suffering.” Finally, Pema Chödrön writes. “This very moment is the perfect teacher, and it’s always with us.”
THE TRUTH OF IMPERMANENCE HELPS.
When we allow ourselves to be with it all, whatever arises, one lesson we learn that helps us be with it all is The Truth of Impermanence. We notice that experience rises and falls away, always making way for the next moment and the next experience. We can learn to meet all that passes through us with tenderness and remind ourselves that this is how it is right now.
As Dan Harris recently wrote, “The Buddha consistently advised that the express lane to equanimity was to contemplate impermanence. Political situations come and go. In fact, everything comes and goes. Nothing and no one is exempt from the law of ceaseless change.”
THIS IS HAPPINESS. THIS IS SADNESS.
How to Practice
As you notice the movement of life and the flow of experience, loosening your grip along the way, don’t forget to embrace the beautiful, mundane, and often blissful moments, as well as the painful ones. This gives us balance. If we label what we are experiencing and let it be felt in the body (without all the stories in our heads taking over the narrative), we can feel the fullness of the moment and let it move through us.
I often label what I am feeling with these simple mantras: This is happiness. Or This is sadness. (Simply note whatever you are feeling.) Let it all in. Let it all be felt in the body. Watch it move through you. Know that you have the capacity and the strength to be with it all. Know it is not who you are but what you are experiencing right now, and it will continue to change if you let it. Ask yourself, “What I can see, feel, and learn from this moment?” Know that this moment and all that it holds is the only way forward. And know this is the big adventure you are meant to be on!
🙏,
Cheryl